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if you want the link feel free to ask, it’s not password protected anymore.

It’s basically going to be what I’ve been posting on here; documenting my eating habits (not gonna say eating disorder because I’m not diagnosed with anything) and my mental deterioration (lololol I find this extremely funny just btw)

The reason I’m doing this is because a lot of people I know in person are following me on here now and I just feel like I need a new place to let myself do whatever the fuck I want.

I have days where I can eat like a normal human being, I can eat 1200 calories and look in the mirror and be okay with it and then I have days where every bite is a struggle, where eating 100 calories makes me want to die.

I have days where I my thighs and stomach and arms don’t look so bad and then I have days where I look in a mirror and see a whale. 

These thoughts seem to be at constant battle with each other lately. 

I eat because I want to be healthy, I eat because I remember the way people looked at me when I was at my lowest; like I was disgusting and insane. But after I eat I look at my thighs and stomach and arms and tits and want to tear everything apart.

This is becoming too much.

Everything was easier when I could eat whatever or even when I was eating nothing at all. 

hmmm

I thought she was straight

what

what

AH.

I feel terrible. I almost passed out in the shower, I’m super shaky, my legs keep spasming, and my body feels too heavy to hold up.

what the fuck, what’s going on?!

This is all just too much, and maybe I’m weak for feeling that way but it’s the truth. This is too fucking much. I’m done, I’m out, I’ve had enough of this. 

I’m completely jealous of anyone that can experience love. Even if you love someone that doesn’t love you back, that has to be better then not being able to feel it at all.